We all have that little voice in our heads, the one that tends to be our harshest critic. It's the voice that tells us:
You're not good enough
You're making a fool of yourself
You'll never succeed
You're too fat, too skinny, too old
Nobody likes you
So, let me ask you: What's your favourite way of putting yourself down? Can you relate to any of the self-defeating phrases above? Or perhaps you have your very own repertoire.
Unveiling the Inner Critic
Today, we're diving into the concept of the inner critic, also known as the saboteur. This inner voice delights in emphasizing your flaws and dragging you down, whenever you dare to dream. It's a voice that feeds on negativity and can be surprisingly harsh.
Would you ever say such negative things to another human being, let alone a friend? The answer is likely no. Yet, we do it to ourselves daily, often without a second thought. Ironic, considering the one person you will have the longest relationship with in life is…you.
Taking action
One approach to challenging your inner critic is rooted in Cognitive Behavioural Coaching. As the inner critic is usually not logical, this technique directly confronts your inner critic with well-reasoned, logical responses.
The following is a useful exercise from PositivePsychology.com and the link here provides you with a helpful table and guidance to log the following information.
1. Date and Time: Document the exact date and time when the dysfunctional thought arose.
2. Situation: Describe the situation that led to the dysfunctional thought.
3. Dysfunctional Thought: Record the exact content of the thought. You can also rate, using a scale from 0% to 100%, your belief in this thought.
4. Emotions: Log the emotions triggered by this thought and rate their intensity on a scale from 0% to 100%.
5. Cognitive Distortion*: Identify any cognitive distortions associated with the specific dysfunctional thought, such as all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophising, filtering, overgeneralisation or jumping to conclusions.
6. Alternative Thoughts**: Propose alternative thoughts that are more positive and functional, ready to replace the negative ones. This step is really important.
7. Outcome: Reflect on the outcome of this exercise. Were you able to address the dysfunctional thought effectively? Did you craft a convincing alternative thought? Note any changes in your belief in the thought or the intensity of your emotions as you recorded your progress.
*Examples of cognitive distortions are: Catastrophising – your boss calls you for a meeting and you think you’re getting fired | All or nothing – you are destined for success or failure, no in-between | Filtering – seeing your life through a negative lens | Overgeneralisation – your relationship fails so you think you don’t deserve love.
**When your inner voice claims something like, "You're bad at your job," it's essential to counteract it with logical and constructive thoughts that contribute to your personal development. For example, consider this response: “Sometimes I haven’t met deadlines because of mistakes made by me, or because of circumstances outside of my control. I have learnt from these experiences. There are plenty of examples where I did a great job and got excellent feedback from my manager.”
Wrap Up
You are not alone in having a voice inside you that highlights your negatives and pulls you back when you dare to dream. The above exercise will help you to counteract your inner critic with logical responses that will help you lead a more fulfilling life.
If you persevere with this exercise, there will be a two-fold effect. Firstly, it will help you catch your inner critic more often, so you can challenge it and diminish its power over you.
Secondly, by creating logical positive responses, you strengthen those neural pathways in your brain, again diminishing the effect of the inner critic.
What you practise grows stronger.
Delve Further
If this topic interested you then dive into the resources listed below.
Ambrosini, M. (Speaker). (2020, January 22). How Your Inner Critic Is Holding You Back [Video]. TEDxMonashUniversity. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvL8Ejh4fEI
David, S. (2016). Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life. New York: Avery/Penguin Random House.
Harris, R. (2008). The Happiness Trap: Based on ACT - A Revolutionary Mindfulness-Based Programme for Overcoming Stress, Anxiety, and Depression. Robinson. London.
Hunt, E. (2021, January 6). Silence your inner critic: A guide to self-compassion in the toughest times. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jan/06/silence-your-inner-critic-a-guide-to-self-compassion-in-the-toughest-times
Morin, A. (2014, November 6). Taming Your Inner Critic: 7 Steps To Silencing The Negativity. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/11/06/taming-your-inner-critic-7-steps-to-silencing-the-negativity/?sh=2580b68e7feb
Potter, D. (n.d.). Palouse Mindfulness: Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction. https://palousemindfulness.com/index.html
Schaffner, A. K. (2020, October 15). Living With the Inner Critic: 8 Helpful Worksheets (+ PDF). Positive Psychology. https://positivepsychology.com/inner-critic-worksheets/
James O'Boyle MBA MSc
Emotionally Agile You Newletter - A smorgasbord of tools, techniques and scientifically driven advice to help you thrive.
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