Photo Jaime Lopes
Being straightforward with people not only makes communication clearer and more fruitful, it also can improve your internal view of yourself and how you are in the world. Straightforwardness not only involves being assertive, but also having self-control and acknowledging others.
The good news! Straightforwardness is one of the 10 components of Emotional Intelligence, meaning you can work on it and move the dial.
A bit of Background
Straightforwardness is an emotional skill and involves:
· Giving clear messages
· Expressing your feelings and views openly, in an honest way
· Challenging other’s views, while demonstrating respect by acknowledging their views
Good to Know
If you work on straightforwardness you can gain competency quickly. This impacts how the world responds to you and helps with changing the internal view you have of yourself. This can have a positive impact on changing another emotional intelligence competency, self-reliance.
Action
1. Assertiveness: Working out of your values provides authenticity. In addition to delivering a message in a direct and straightforward way, you want to sell your message and get buy-in from the other person.
To increase your impact, pay close attention to your non-verbal and body language. Lean towards the other person as you speak. Control your voice – confident does not mean loud. Smile genuinely. Maintain a soft gaze. This can be done by looking at a point slightly above and between the two eyes.
2. Self-Control: It might seem odd for this to be included here, but take these two scenarios: a) a person becomes aggressive or a control freak and attempts to strong-arm or manipulate people to their way. b) a person quietens down and yields to someone else’s views, even though they disagree with them.
Both situations are often driven by anxiety. In situation a) it can be anxiety about loss of control and in situation b) it can be anxiety about other’s reactions. Anxiety and assertive behavior do not mix. What to do? It’s important to get control of your emotions. Focus on the things you can control, like your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Lose focus on things you can’t control, like other’s thoughts, feelings, and actions.
3. Acknowledging Others: This is vital, with regards to getting buy-in for your message. Consider the other person’s position. Do they have something to lose? Do they have something to win? Take the time to show the other person respect for their experience, knowledge and ideas. This will often make the other person more receptive to you. Look for the mutual benefit.
James O'Boyle MBA MSc
Emotionally Agile You Newletter - A smorgasbord of tools, techniques and scientifically driven advice to help you thrive.
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